Harry and a Barmy Old Bumble
by Tianessa
Summary: What would happen if Dumbledore and Harry become friends when Harry was very young, and Dumbledore adopted Harry to train as his protege? Guess you'll have to read to find out!


Hey guys! This story is about something I've always wondered. I can't imagine that Dumbledore himself would never check up on Harry during his youth, so at first, he and Harry simply become good friends. Then, he'll see that the Dursley's are mistreating Harry, and invite him to live with them (I think). Then, the exciting part comes as Harry grows up with him and is trained as his protégé. So, please read and review! I accept everything, even flames (Well, not really nasty ones. If you hate it, just don't read it anymore.) I'll post a response to every single review in the next chapter. Happy reading!

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**Chapter 1**

_Whatever Floats Your Boat_

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Harry sat stilly on a plastic swing, occasionally giving a half-hearted push on the ground and moving a slight bit. He wasn't depressed. Just observing. People watching. That was what he did best. His emerald eyes were laughing as he watched a pair of identical twins plead with their mother to stay at the park just five more minutes. The funny part was the fact that they kept finishing each other's sentences.

"Hello, Harry." Harry jerked up his face and smiled placidly and somewhat shyly at his elderly neighbor.

"Hi, Mrs. Krater." The woman gave him a comforting look.

"Are you all alone?" Harry shook his head quickly.

"Oh no, my aunt and uncle are just over there." He pointed over to the slide, where a bony lady and a fat man were trying to coax their son into going down. Harry tried not to laugh as Dudley screamed at his parents that, 'No, he wouldn't go down the stupid thing, last time he had gotten stuck halfway down and it made his tushy hurt for days.' Harry gave a small push with his feet and smiled up again at Mrs. Krater. She gave him a suspicious look, but walked off. Not many six-year-olds sat by themselves on a swing for over an hour, talking to no one and not even swinging. It just wasn't normal. But, then again, Harry wasn't normal. Not even in the slightest.

"Young man, are you all right?" Harry looked up again, startled to see an old man with spectacles peering down at him.

"Your eyes are twinkling," Harry said in astonishment. "Not normal twinkling, but… I don't know….it's weird." The man chuckled.

"Yes, so I've been told. What is your name?" Harry hesitated for a moment, remembering that "he wasn't supposed to talk to those god-damn strangers', as his uncle so bluntly put it. But whatever.

"Harry Potter, sir."

"Hello, Harry Potter sir," the man smiled. Harry grinned back.

"What's your name, sir?"

"My name is Albus Dumbledore." Harry tried to stifle his laugh, but the attempt was futile.

"Sorry," he blushed, his cheeks tinged red from embarrassment. "It's just…not many people living on my street have that name. No offense, sir," he added hastily. "It's a really cool name. I like it!" he suddenly declared. Dumbledore smiled.

"I like it, too. Although sometimes people call me 'that barmy old bumble'. However, I find no insult in it."

"Whatever floats your boat," Harry shrugged. Dumbledore looked at him curiously.

"What does that mean?" Harry looked confused for a moment, and then scrunched up his eyebrows, a deep line furrowing in thought.

"I don't know…I never really thought about it. I guess it means… if it works, take it? Sort of like 'if the shoe fits'. The old man nodded seriously.

"I'll have to remember that one."

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Over the next few weeks, Dumbledore continued to meet Harry at the most random places and talk with him. Once, he and Harry sat outside on a dirty bench outside a gas station while Dudley decided what candy to buy. Harry always had some Muggle saying to entertain the old man with, and Dumbledore tried shamelessly to use the new sayings at every opportunity he got. The one thing that always intrigued Harry were the strange robes that Dumbledore always wore. One day, feeling particularly bold, Harry called him on it.

"Albus? Why do you wear those robes?"

"Why, I have to wear something, don't I?" Harry was not satisfied with the rather profound answer.

"No, I mean, why don't you wear suits, T-shirts, and jeans and stuff?" Albus looked at Harry over his spectacles.

"In my… _culture_… this is what people traditionally wear. I am not a very conservative person, but I do rather enjoy wearing robes." Harry still didn't exactly understand.

"Oh."

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"Hurry up, boy!" Aunt Petunia snapped, whacking Harry's behind with a feather duster. "Vernon's very important client will be here in less than an hour, and your hair is still disgusting."

Harry had to agree about his hair, although he wasn't sure if disgusting was exactly the word he would have used. Desperate for anything to work, he grabbed a can of cooking spray and tried that. It didn't work. From the moment the liquid touched his hair, it make a strange sizzling sound and evaporated with a hiss. Aunt Petunia grabbed the can and gave Harry an extra whack with her duster on the side of his head.

"Stupid boy," she hissed. "Go. Just go." And Harry did. He left the kitchen, crept out the front door, and left.

Dumbledore was sitting on a bench in the park reading a strange newspaper called the Daily Prophet when Harry arrived, holding the side of his head tenderly and fuming and muttering hissed words under his breath. His eyes widened in relief when he saw the old man.

"Albus!" With a great, monstrous leap, Harry leapt into Dumbledore's lap, hugging him joyfully. "Uncle Vernon's having a client over tonight, but since I'm only supposed to be in my room anyway, being invisible, could I stay here with you?" Dumbledore raised an eyebrow.

"You're supposed to stay invisible?" Frowning, Harry nodded.

"They said they don't want the client to know that a freak like me stays with them." Dumbledore noticed that Harry didn't even blush or flinch at the word 'freak'.

"Harry, you don't think you're a freak, do you?" Harry shrugged.

"Well, I guess I am. I mean, with all the weird stuff that happens to me." This seemed to greatly interest Dumbledore. He leaned forward and grasped Harry's small hands within his own.

"First of all, Harry. You're not a freak. You're a wonderful, caring, smart, funny little boy. Second, what kinds of 'weird stuff' are we talking about?" Suddenly Harry seemed shy and abashed again. He receded back slightly and looked apprehensive about telling someone.

"Strange things. Once, Dudley and his friends were chasing me, and I ended up on the roof! Another time, Aunt Petunia cut my hair bald and it grew back the next day! Just… strange things. Oh yeah, and I can talk to snakes." Harry said this all very fast, as if telling it quicker would make Dumbledore not hear it and think him a freak. The old man, however, giving Harry a knowing grin.

"Harry, you're not a freak, you're a wizard." Harry gave Dumbledore a strange look.

"Sir, wizards are only in books, they're not real." Dumbledore laughed and pulled out a picture from somewhere within the folds of his robes. Harry saw it, and screamed.

"They're alive in there!" Nearly tottering off Dumbledore's lap, Harry frantically tried to get as far away from the moving photo as possible. Dumbledore took one of Harry's hand, and gently placed the photo in it.

"Harry, I'd like you to keep this. Do you know who these people are?" Nervously looking down at the waving people, Harry gasped. The woman was beautiful with long red hair, but her eyes. They were his! And the man… he looked just like him.

"Are these my parents?" Harry asked quietly, holding the picture to his chest protectively. Dumbledore simply nodded. Suddenly, he decided to make up his mind about something.

"Harry, there is something I have to tell you. Something I think rather important." Harry waited expectantly. "Harry, you are a wizard." Harry started to laugh, but his glance was stolen by the people in the picture. The _moving _people Harry stared at his parents, and then grinned.

"So, when can I turn Dudley into a frog?" Dumbledore chuckled.

"Not yet, m'boy. But would you like to see some real magic?" Harry nodded eagerly like a puppy awaiting a treat. Dumbledore reached into the folds of his purple robes once more and produced a long, thin stick. "This, Harry, is my wand. And I'm very fond of it," he added as an afterthought. Dumbledore suddenly pointed his wand at his nose and had a pig snout. Harry giggled. Then it became a horse's nose, a real button nose, and then a huge, squishy, fat clown's nose. Harry laughed at the last one.

"Neat!" Dumbledore placed his wand back in his robes, and smiled.

"Harry, how would you like to meet a magical family? I believe they have a son just about your age. His name is Ron." Harry nodded breathlessly.

"Could we go, now?"

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"Hello Molly." The red-headed woman shrieked when she saw Dumbledore.

"Albus! I'm so sorry, I had no idea you were coming, I would have prepared something to eat! Come in, come in!" Molly hastily waved Dumbledore in and but stopped when Harry followed shyly behind the wizard's legs. "And who is this?" Harry muttered something so quiet that Molly said, "I'm sorry dear, I couldn't hear that."

"Molly, this is Harry Potter," Dumbledore informed her. Molly gasped.

"Really! Oh my goodness, such a pleasure to meet you, dear. Oh, you're so sweet! You'd be six now, right?" Harry nodded warily, still shy of the stranger. "Are you hungry?" Harry thought for a moment, then nodded rather timidly.

"But…it's okay…I'll just get some crackers when I get home. I'm fine." Molly shook her head, tutting.

" Of course it's not okay, I'll get you something to eat. Ron, Ginny, and the twins are eating a snack right now, you can join them at the table." Harry looked up at Dumbledore, who urged him forward. Harry stepped through a doorway, and saw four red-headed kids huddled around a pack of – was it beans? – giggling and talking in loud voices. One looked up and saw Harry.

"Oy, look!" he shouted. "It's…who are you?" Harry immediately felt at ease.

"I'm Harry," he said. The boy raised a hand and beckoned him over.

"I'm Forge, and this is Gred over here, Ronnykeins, and Ginny. Nice to meet ya. Wanna bean?" Harry couldn't help but laugh.

"What do you mean, a bean?" Forge rolled his eyes.

"We've got a whole package of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans! Want one?" Harry frowned.

"What are those?" Fred gasped.

"Now don't tell me you don't know what an Every Flavor Bean is! Where ya from, Mars?" Harry turned red.

"I'm sorry-"

"No, don't be sorry! Just get over here and have a bean!" Harry quickly sat down as each kid handed him a different bean.

"Now Gred, that's just mean to give a kid _that _one as his first bean. How 'bout this one?" Fred held up a slimy looking gray one and the others quickly recoiled.

"Fred, you're mean, too!" said the girl. "I'm Ginny and I'm five," she informed Harry. "You're small. Why?" Harry was taken aback.

"Um…I dunno. I guess since I live in a cupboard I'm sort of little." The other kids gasped and fell silent.

"Why do you live in a cupboard?" Ron finally asked, breaking the silence. Harry shrugged.

"It was that or my cousin's other bedroom, and he puts all his stuff in it." Even Fred and George were looking at each other in seriousness. Finally…

"Try the bean," George said. Harry took the gray bean and inspected it.

"You're sure-"

"Try the bean!" Harry shoved the bean in his mouth and choked, spitting it out and it flying to rest of Ron's head, to the delight of the others. Harry heaved for a few seconds, and spit.

"What was that!" he gasped. Fred smirked.

"THAT was rotten fish." Harry's eyes widened, then narrowed.

"Oh, now it's on."

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When Molly and Dumbledore returned from the kitchen, they saw Fred and Harry fighting with sticks and brandishing them like swords.

"En Garde!" Harry cried, poking Fred in the chest. Fred looked down at his chest in shock, and then back up at Harry in disbelief.

"You-you killed me," he whispered. Then, he fell over. He lay there for a second, and then snapped his head up. "Just so ya'll know, I'm dead. You're supposed to mourn me." Then he dropped his dead back down. Harry, George, Ron, and Ginny looked at each other and left the room, silently giggling. Molly laughed and shook her head. Dumbledore's eyes twinkled suddenly.

"Well...I suppose...whatever floats your boat."

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Yay! I got a chapter done! I'm so proud, now I can start chapter 2! I have so much time to kill right now. I'm sick with phemonia so I had to skip camp and stay at home. All I do is watch TV, fanfiction, and read. But, I've watched every single stupid show on TV and I've read every single stupid book in my house, so ... hip hip hooray for fanfiction.


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